My baby is walking! I am not sad!

So my 10 1/2 month old is finally walking!!! I say FINALLY not because he's a late bloomer (obviously) but because I really disliked the "infant" stage this time around.

Now don't get me wrong.... cuddly, peely, soft as velvet infants are amazing! Especially when you've created them in your womb and given birth to them yourself!!!  What isn't amazing is the crying that you can't help because they are just scared, cold, gassy and miserable at being thrown into the world after 10 months (YES 10...THAT IS THE ACTUAL LENGTH), the feeling that they are so fragile you might break their little arm just getting them dressed, the guilt that came with not nursing on my part because of an "issue", the guilt that I wasn't cuddling, holding, rocking, sleeping with him enough because this time around my 15 month old needed me and I couldn't do the same things I did the 1st time around.

With my 1st baby, I napped WITH him when he napped, he NEVER cried because I was there for every move, need, want. He's an amazingly smart guy.....so I have been wracked with guilt for the past 10 months that my 2nd child isn't getting the same attention and therefore might suffer. I felt bad when I just wanted him to go to sleep so that I could, I felt guilty when I didn't want to cuddle him in the middle of the night because I was exhausted from the day and guilty when I let him cry himself to sleep (that only took 11 minutes) but felt like an eternity........for the first time ever about 1 month ago.

So here I am, ecstatic that he started refusing his bottle about 2 months ago, ecstatic that he wants people food, refuses baby food, started sleeping through the night (FINALLY), ecstatic that he is walking...because all of this means that he's not really an infant anymore. And yes, he still "needs" me for everything but it's a different type of "need".  I am so happy to have 2 walking children, they play together, they interact well, they are so happy and healthy and smart. And I know that someday I'm going to look back and be like "oh my gosh, I miss them being babies" but for now, I'm happy that the hardest part of infancy is over and that my boys both smile at me and laugh at me and respond to me. I'm happy that I can tell if something is wrong. I'm happy that they're happy!

Some people are depressed when their children become toddlers, not me, I think it means fun times are ahead! Playing, laughing, giggling, messes, sleds, bikes, walks, finger painting, cookies, etc....

I cherish the moments I spent with both of them as tiny little soft babies, especially when they just "stare" at you like you're the most amazing thing in the world, I can't believe it's gone by as fast as it did because let's face it, when he was colicky I thought the time was going slower than a drunk turtle.

So even though I call them my babies, they will always be my babies and I love my babies......they are growing up and I'm excited! I'm loving that they giggle at each other! I love that my oldest constantly wants to know if "dee-dee" (we don't know why or how he came to that name) is awake.

Most of all, selfish or not, I'm happy that we chose to stop our family with 2 boys, I'm happy that they aren't infants and happy that I won't ever be pregnant or in labor again! I wouldn't change a thing (now I know that this blog seems like I sure would, but really I wouldn't!) It was an amazing experience and in fact all my life I always said NO children or maybe 1......then, about 2 days after my 1st was born I looked at my husband and said "I cannot imagine never experiencing this again, we have to have another".....and so we did.....lol, 15 months later!