So on a super fun family trip to Walmart yesterday I had the ultimate "She has finally lost her mind" experience......So let me start at the beginning.
I get anxiety about going to the store by myself with the kids (not actual chest tightening, sweat producing, shit yourself anxiety) but I dread it, I avoid it if I can....We're at the point where one has to sit in the actual cart and the other sits in the child seat/carrier thing that always has broken seat belts. So as I shop, things pile up around my 2 year old, then he's sitting on the stuff, then he's crushing the stuff, then he's eating through the packages of hot dogs and mushrooms (true story), then he's throwing taco seasoning packets out of the cart (also true) as I do my best to marathon speed myself through the store, all the while forgetting everything I went there for and can't get my "to-do" list out of my purse b/c it's now buried beneath him & my groceries. So instead of stopping, moving over and attempting to find the list I just say F$%^ it and leave because I'm about to have a nervous breakdown as my 1 year old eats the handle I'm using to push, eats the above mentioned broken seat belt and leans himself out of the cart sideways in a futile attempt to decapitate himself on a passing cart.
So for the past 3-4 months I've managed to convince my husband to come with me to the store....2 carts, 2 children, 2 adults. Much easier, much faster, and the boys are entertained right?? ummm kind of.....my husband is rolling up and down the isles making loud racing sounds that have originated from NASCAR, farting and yelling out my name as if I just did it, handing the boys bags of candy or cookies and pretending they've chosen them off the shelves among many other things. So while this is super annoying, it really is helpful most of the time because the boys really are entertained and I have the room in the carts that I need. So on one of these whole family outings yesterday, the store was ridiculously packed! This is NO exaggeration, some of the isles my husband stayed at the beginning of it and just met us at the next one b/c there were so many people in them!
I got everything on my lists except sandwich wraps.....I was looking for a low calorie wrap of some sort that was not just a taco shell. So while in the Deli, I looked at their offering...eh, not what I wanted. Not in the taco shell isle, not by the bread. So I turn to my husband and I say, "Just forget it, let's get out of here" and he replies, "we're here, let's just find them". So back we go. (1 year old crying) All the way back through the WHOLE grocery section, weaving in/out of crazy people, searching for wraps or an employee!!! I get all the way back to the deli (where I started) and I see 3 employees leaning on a meat rack chatting away. So I ask. They swear what I'm looking for is back by the bread and proceed to give me an exact location. So here we go. 2 carts, 2 adults, 2 kids, back through the whole store again as I'm yelling to my husband behind me "I swear I looked there, I didn't see them! Did you?" No answer.....I turn around, he's lost in the sea of people :(
We get back to the bread, (1 year old still crying) I go to the EXACT location..............NOTHING. There is nothing of the sort. I give him "THE LOOK" and we head towards checkout. Now this part is just so ridiculous I am not even going to get into it. (let's just say that 3 checkouts later, we FINALLY got our items scanned, checked out, bagged and left.)
On our way home I've established a tension headache, a twitch and complete exhaustion. My husband is chatting me up and I am doing my best not to scream that I just need 5 f'n minutes of DEAD SILENCE ......The 1 year old is still fussing b/c it's beyond nap time and he's hungry.
We're home, the boys are outside with Daddy after we've carried the bags in and I'm unloading the groceries and putting them away. I open a bag and there they are. The sandwich wraps. The exact ones I was picturing in my head. Only 90 calories! Whole Grain! I seriously have no idea what the HELL happened.
My husband says I've finally lost it. I think his exact words were "She gone psycho folks". So that's going to be the end of my blog today. There really isn't much else I can say besides................."THESE ARE THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES" Slightly neurotic SAHM's!!!!!!!
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